Attitude! Is It Really Everything?

Since when do I have to listen to you if you're rude, disrespectful, and out of order?  It doesn't matter how valid your point is.  If you're rude and disrespectful, then all bets are off, unless, of course, your tone and temperament change in the right direction. 

I'm always amazed at how rude and belligerent people can act in the midst of a conflict, but still expect and even demand that other people, particularly those with whom they have tension, listen to them.  I may, understandably, be upset, angry, outraged, and  justifiably indignant because of some unfair or unjust practice or incident.  But I can easily compromise my credibility in the eyes of those from whom I'm seeking justice or redress if they perceive me as being hostile.  Should I not have enough self-control--or maybe I'm "in control" and am consciously and intentionally choosing to be rude and crude--or, at least, have some decorum and self-governance to express my anger and righteous indignation against injustice and inequity without verbally attacking and dishonoring the person or people I disagree with or oppose?  

People are less likely to hear us and give credence to our concerns if they feel disrespected and even physically threatened or unsafe by our approach.  And if they don't hear us because our approach is threateningly disruptive, then we're, in essence, undermining our own cause.  A couple of months ago, social media was flooded with a news story about Hillary Clinton and how she responded to a Black Lives Matter activist, Ashley Williams, who interrupted her at a private event in South Carolina.  Yes,  Ms. Williams paid $500 to attend the event and, therefore, had every right to be there, and, yes, Ms. Williams' concerns were valid.  But, instead of stating her concerns, and maybe even re-stating them for clarity and strength, and then allowing Clinton to respond, as she was obviously trying to do, Ms. Williams continued to interrupt to the point of disruption and was removed.  Many harshly criticized Clinton for how she responded to Ms. Williams and stressed that Williams had a right to be there just like everybody else and applauded her for boldly challenging Clinton on comments she made 20 years ago.  But Ms. Williams was out of order!  The more Clinton tried to respond, the more disruptive Ms. Williams became.  

So, the point here is not to applaud Clinton and condemn Ms. Williams, and this is really not even about Hillary Clinton or Ashley Williams.  They just happen to help make the point, which is: 

• When dealing with a conflict, if we have a concern or an argument to make (and it may be a very valid and legitimate concern or argument that undoubtedly needs to be made), our approach can compromise our credibility and undermine our cause so much that others may no longer hear us if they feel disrespected, dishonored, threatened, or even attacked by our approach.
  

 Some say attitude is everything, but since our attitude determines our approach, then approach is often everything, too!